Stephanie Forster

With more and more people opting for a direct cremation rather than an attended funeral service, it begs the question: Do we still need funerals?

Daytime TV is flooded with adverts for direct cremations at the moment. They highlight their affordable rates and the fact you’re saving your family the stress of making decisions at a difficult time. But that act of arranging a farewell for someone you love is part of the grieving process, it celebrates a cherished life, it brings people together, and many families find it surprisingly cathartic.

Here’s my brief rationale why celebrating the life of a loved one matters:

1. Funerals give people the opportunity to say goodbye
   If we think about who a funeral service is for, it's for those left behind rather than the person who has died. Saying goodbye at a funeral might mean collectively saying farewell through the words of the celebrant. Or it might mean you personally saying goodbye in the form of giving a tribute, sharing a poem, or going up to the casket at the end of the service. You might prefer to quietly say goodbye in your head during the committal and, whatever way works for you, you’ve had that chance to bid them farewell.

2. Funerals honour the life of the person who has died
   Each of us leads a unique life which is significant in its own way. And a funeral ceremony provides the opportunity to honour the different roles the person held throughout their life. It’s also about honouring the person’s contributions to humanity and society, however big or small. Taking time to remember the person throughout their whole life, not just in recent times, honours all that their life meant and the legacies they leave.

3. Funerals create space for sharing memories
   A funeral or memorial gives time for people to join together to share memories. These can be part of the formal ceremony with the celebrant sharing memories that have been relayed to them beforehand, or close family and friends sharing their own memories. This time spent remembering the good times, and the hard ones, can be cathartic too. It helps release some of the emotions and anxiety and keeps the connection to the person going.

4. Funerals bring people together
   Whether your ‘community’ is your family, your sports club, your friendship group, or your work colleagues, a funeral to remember the person who has died brings you together. And it’s often your community that gives you strength on the difficult days. A funeral helps bring those connections to the fore once again, and sometimes it can make your community stronger.

So, we do still need funerals? I believe we do, and hopefully I’ve convinced you too! Read more on this on my website blog @ https://www.silverbeeceremonies.co.uk/2026/11/05/funeral-services-do-we-still-need-them/)

As we begin to see the light after many months of lockdown, for some of us it is an opportunity to say a proper goodbye to a loved one in a way that just wasn’t possible in the grip of the COVD-19 pandemic. But how do you go about arranging a memorial service?

There is no right or wrong way to arrange a memorial service for someone you have loved, most of all you want to make it a celebration of their life and to reflect what was important to them. So here are a few suggestions on what you may need to consider to help you plan a personal and fitting memorial service.

Where should this be held?
Your memorial service can take anywhere you choose, so think about the places where your loved one enjoyed spending time and consider any of these for your memorial. Maybe at their golf club in one of the function rooms, their favourite pub, the day centre where they enjoyed meeting friends or at a natural beauty spot they loved such as in the grounds of Polesden Lacey or Richmond Park.

Any of these types of venue will help with catering and will probably be able to provide any audio visual equipment you might want for music or photos too. And they are great when you’re expecting lots of people. But if you are thinking of something more intimate you could always have the service at home, or at the remembrance gardens of your local crematoria and
incorporate placing a memorial stone or planting a rose bush into your time together.

If they loved spending time in nature why not consider something outdoors along the banks of the Thames or at a venue such as Clandon Wood Nature Reserve?

When is the right time?
Once again there is no right answer for this. You might decide that you’d like to arrange the memorial for a few months after the funeral or you may prefer to wait and hold this on the anniversary of their death but generally I would recommend you make it within six months, social distancing rules allowing of course.

Funerals are traditionally held on weekdays but your memorial can be any day of the week so if you’ve got lots of people attending who are generally working during the week you could hold the celebration on a weekend instead. Depending on the type of refreshments you’d like to offer guests you could time the service for early afternoon so everyone could share in afternoon tea and a glass of fizz, or maybe the person you are remembering loved a fish and chip supper, in which case a late afternoon service followed by fish and chips and a few drinks would be fab!

Although there are no time restrictions in the same way as there are for a funeral service, it’s best to set a time limit on the memorial. Two hours is about right but if the celebration is in full swing and people want to move on elsewhere after that time then all well and good.

What should the memorial include?
Your memorial service doesn’t have to have any formal elements, it could just be a party to celebrate the life of your loved one – and if they enjoyed a good party then why not?! But you may like to have some structure to the time you are spending together and there are lots of different ways you can do this from a full service led by a celebrant to some of your guests sharing their memories and favourite photos.

A celebrant led service might include any of the items listed below and is best held at the beginning of your memorial for up to 30 minutes, with time to socialise afterwards:

• Words of welcome
• Thoughts on life and death
• Poems or readings
• Music chosen in memory of your loved one
• Eulogy
• Tributes from family and friends
• Quiet reflection or a symbolic gesture such as lighting a candle
• Closing words and toast

You can also include visual tributes such as electronic photos projected onto a screen, prints placed on a large board or dotted around the room, or some video footage of your loved one if you are lucky enough to have this.

I hope this gives you a few pointers on how to create a fitting memorial service for your loved one. If you’d like me deliver the service for you, or you’d like to talk though some ideas please drop me a line at [email protected] or give me a call on 07786 268446.

10 Reasons for Choosing a Humanist Funeral

Here are my top reasons why a Humanist Funeral is a great choice to celebrate the life of your loved one, or if you are planning your own funeral.

1. Every service is especially created for the person who is being celebrated, so it’s truly personal in words and style

2. Humanist funerals don’t have to somber affairs, they can be filled with fun, laughter and colour while being heartfelt too

3. Anything goes so if you want live music, poetry, a one act play, or a glass of champagne we’ll make it work for you

4. If you want to speak at the funeral service but don’t know if you’ll be able to find the right words, we can write something for you to say on the day

5. We’re experts at conducting funeral services in crematoria, cemeteries and natural burial grounds, and more unusual settings too, and will create a service to suit the surroundings

6. We love hearing all about people’s lives and piecing together your memories into a story that tells of their journey through life

7. Funeral services don’t have to be religious, Humanist services suit those without faith, but if you want a prayer or hymn included just in case, that’s fine

8. You’ll receive a draft copy of the full script to review before the ceremony so you can make sure everything is just as you want it to be, and that all of the details are correct

9. Your loved one’s memory can be kept alive by choosing for their funeral script to be entered into the Humanist Funeral Tribute Archive so future generations can read about and understand their life

10. All Humanist Celebrants are trained and full accredited, and we are regularly reviewed too so you can rest easy knowing that the service quality will be great
    If that hasn’t convinced you, check out more details on the Humanists UK website