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What would you like your funeral to look like? Are you the 'I don't really care - I won't be there' type, or more of a 'I hadn't really thought about it but now that you mention it...' sort of person? If you are of the latter mindset, do you know what your options are? Subject to religious and cultural considerations, you may have more choices than you originally thought, both in terms of location, and with regard to selection of rituals, readings and music. Your beliefs and values can be woven through each element of your funeral service - like a tapestry.

Location
Both cremation and burial services are available throughout much of the UK, but many people assume it is a bit like schooling and that you have to go to your closest crematorium or cemetery. It is usually most cost-effective to use the council-run crematorium or cemetery serving the district where you lived, and you may well encounter surcharges if you look elsewhere as an ‘out of area’ client, but it isn’t impossible. Further options include the growing number of privately-run crematoria and burial grounds, including meadow burial sites and woodland ceremonial parks. You can also have the service at one crematorium and scatter or inter the ashes in the grounds of another, or scatter at a completely different site of personal significance.
For practitioners of faith, there are expectations about where funeral services should be held, but, within England, there is no governmental law stating that a funeral service must be held in a religious building, crematorium or cemetery - you can hold one in your back garden or local village hall if you want to. I’m not trying to suggest that we should all dedicate hours to visiting all the local crematoria, cemeteries and social function venues in the country, but it is worth considering whether it matters to you where your funeral service will be held and, if it does, what setting you would prefer.

Rituals
There is something reassuring about rituals: they give a basic structure or 'backbone' to a service, and help to create the sense that things are being done 'properly' and respectfully. Religions have their own funeral rituals, and committed followers of religion are likely to draw comfort from observing the rituals associated with their faith. However, if you are not affiliated to a particular religion, you can still incorporate rituals into your service - they can just be matched to your values rather than your faith. If you want to, you can ask for your body to arrive at your funeral in a VW campervan, specifically request that no-one wears black, have a blessing instead of a prayer and offer slightly different participative rituals such as the placing of ribbons on your coffin.

Readings
Readings can serve a range of purposes within the service: they can offer an insight into your views about death, they can reflect your interests and personality, and they can offer comfort to those left behind. Religious funeral services have traditionally incorporated readings from sacred texts, but secular writings from philosophers and playwrights and poetry can equally be woven into a funeral ceremony. If your family wishes to be involved in the delivery of your service, sharing out the readings is one way of enabling more people to be involved.

Music
Some people assume that in terms of music choices, a person-centred funeral entails shoe-horning all your favourite songs into the service. However, if you believe that the funeral should serve the living as well as the dead, the entry music in particular could actually be selected for the mourners rather than the departed. If the mourners enter to music that makes them feel calm and ‘held’, they will be better equipped to face the service, particularly if they are involved in the delivery. The music accompanying the committal is often (but not always) a gentler choice, but the exit music can be your ‘swan song’! The incorporation of an opportunity for communal singing is a bit like marmite - you either love the idea or hate it - but again there is no right or wrong, and if you don’t want to make the request that everyone sings, they could perhaps listen to something instead.

So, what would you like your funeral to look like? If you are one of the ‘now that you mention it’ types, I hope this has given you some food for thought. There are actually many choices, and the range of options makes it possible to create a funeral or memorial service truly reflective of an individual’s life.