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Most of us are by nature sensory beings: if we walk into a space and there is something beautiful to catch our eye, a pleasant smell and soothing sound, it tends to promote a feeling of well-being and comfort. Conversely, if our surroundings appear stark, there is a musty smell and it is either disconcertingly quiet or unpleasantly noisy, it jangles our nerves. If you layer these natural human responses to the environment on top of the fact that most people arrive at funerals bearing varying degrees of sorrow and anxiety, it becomes clear how significant the ceremonial space can be.

When a couple prepares for a wedding, they spend hours considering flower arrangements, drapes, table decorations and place settings. Some acquire indoor trees, build arbours, employ harpists, light scented candles and festoon the ceiling in fairy lights. Wedding guests are treated to ceremonial spaces that are a feast for the senses and have a magical quality - and wedding guests usually arrive in a positive, upbeat frame of mind in the first place! Conversely, funeral ceremonial spaces are sometimes a little less nurturing - even though funeral guests often arrive feeling emotionally vulnerable and in need of some tender loving care. I am not trying to suggest we make pantomimes out of funerals; I just want to offer the thought that the mood can be eased a little by considering the ambience, and by thinking about what can be done to make the situation as comfortable for those in attendance as possible.

A focal point of beauty.
Many churches have stained glass windows and these provide a focal point of beauty. Conversely, some crematoria or village halls can feel a little stark. If the crematorium or venue you are using is somewhat on the minimalist side, think about what can be done quickly to create an instant sense of beauty: you might have a flower arrangement on a pedestal, or around an easel displaying a picture of the person the ceremony is being held for, in addition to, or instead of, a flower arrangement on the coffin. This has the advantage of being in situ as the funeral guests arrive. Alternatively, you might have a beautiful cover or drape or quilt that could be placed over a table or suspended from a photographer’s backdrop stand.

Lighting
Most funeral services take place during daylight hours but in some months of the British winter it feels like it never gets truly light! Interior strip lights can be quite harsh; candle light is gentler and creates a more intimate mood - just as it does in a home or restaurant. It is a good idea to check with the crematorium or venue regarding their policy on candles: some venues prefer you to use their candles and some prefer to have no candles at all because of the risk of fire. If your venue has a ‘no candle’ policy, ask whether they would allow electric candles instead.

Smell
Given they tend to be relatively recent builds, most crematoria do not have the problem of smelling musty, but some alternative venues can smell a little stuffy if they are not used regularly. Often, people feel soothed by certain scents such as lavender or neroli (orange blossom). Providing the venue concerned allows its use, essential oil room spray can help to make people feel calm and ‘held’ as they enter, reassuring and fortifying them for the service to come.

Music
Much of the time, with a ‘person-centred’ funeral, the music selection is guided by the tastes of the one who has died. However, for the entrance music in particular, try to choose something that will comfort rather than trigger - if everyone is sobbing from the outset, it doesn’t bode well for the rest of the service!

None of these suggestions are brain-science, and please forgive me if I appear to be stating the obvious, but having something beautiful and soothing to see, smell and hear as you walk into a funeral service can really help to set the mood and tone - just as it does for a wedding or a party!